Tin Man aka The Fuel Cutter
After the success of our inaugural Brass Balls run last year we had been looking forward to the 2014 run with great anticipation (now that sounds very impressive and professional doesn't it? I'm sure it will meet your expectations - if they are low enough LOL) well as they say: best laid plans and all that, you'll see what I mean later. This year our Capital Crew was broken into 2 groups with some of us leaving at 6am on the Wednesday and yes it was bloody cold; we headed straight for Victory down on Parramatta Rd in Sydney to get some work done on the bikes and let me tell ya it was worth the trip although Billy nearly shat his pants when he grabbed a handful and the bike stood up 45 degrees and tore down the road I thought the workshop boss was gunna have a heart attack screaming out 'did you see that, did you see THAT?' Seems not too many Eight Balls are seen travelling on one wheel past the shop hahahahahahaha
When we were finally done at the shop (took a while but the upside is we did find a dingy little pub that sold cheep beer and had a stripper pole but alas too early for strippers but never to early for cheap beer!) we headed over to Sydney HQ to begin the serious business of getting phuqed up before the rest of the boys arrived but as they got there only 15 minutes after us wellll we couldn't quite manage it but we were smiling due to choking down a quick beer and checking what was in the cupboard. After squeezing the bikes into the garage and that was quite a feat I'll tell ya, you try getting 6 bikes into a single car garage (see photo below) but with a a bit of patience, humour, swearing, beer drinking and ......ooops can't mention that we invaded the house to work on the strategy that says "too much equals just enough". Luckily this trip Dick kept his dinner inside his body and the night passed without incident although some of the lads seemed a little more bright eyed than usual, must have been the excitement of the trip and promise of good times ahead and the fact that the garage didn't smell of spew (thanks Dick).
Thursday dawned bright, clear and thankfully a damn site warmer than Wednesday and we headed up the coast out of Sydney towards Kempsey and that fateful meeting with the Tin Man. The trip up was pretty uneventful with a couple of fuel stops and me getting used to the fact that bike was now 1.5" lower so I needed to be careful going round bends hmmm note to self (may need to extend the forward controls to give me a bit more clearance) One of the great things about getting away is, it would appear, to be never too early for beer and skittles and talking of beer we drink Black & Tan when on the road which is wonderful 50/50 mix of lager and dark beers in a schooner try it you'll love it.
Before I go any further I need to say here that our brother Mustard has been with us fo quite some time as our Road Crew, Mustard does not ride but is an integral part of the SoA and is now and will always remain the only non-riding member. We love ya brother and to show our respect Noddy 'gifted' Mustard with his first (and last) vest and ya couldn't get the shit eating gron of his face hell he even slept in his rags and a prouder man you could not find. We stopped in Kempsey and Swoop headed over to the Bank as he had misplaced (see lost) his wallet somewhere between Karuah and Kempsey, 10 minutes at the bank and Swoop was sorted then it was off the Casa Del Dingo and the promise of clean living, good times and too much of everything. Dingo managed to get hold of an old dozer and had cleaned the driveway (about 700mtrs long) up a bit so the run in from the gate was good this year, now if only someone would fix the road outside the property we'd all be happy and given it was dry there were no repeats of Dac's efforts from last year to test the usefulness of crash bars. Noddy, Mustard and Bender had ridden down from Brisbane and we got Swoop to go back into town to get them as directions like "turn left at big tree" can be difficult to follow especially when some have questionable navigational skills eh Bender? When they finally got back it was party central, for a while at least, now before I go any further I need to explain that Dingo is a budding artist and around the joint there are numerous barbed wire sculptures designed to please the eye and if you don't pay attention tear the skin from your body. Dingo's latest artistic effort has officially been named the Fuel Cutter but who I shall refer to only as The Tin Man, it is a good bitta kit that I am sure would appeal to many but for me I hope I never see that hate filled metallic denizen of hell again for as long as I live. He had it in for me from the minute I walked into the garage, sure he started off just standing there all quiet, pretending he was just art but then he got to eyeballing me and dropping the occasional comments and slurs on my character, like he could talk what with his beady little eyes and squeaky little metallic voice. I stood firm and remained stoic in the face of his spiralling attacks and then.....now I'm not proud of it but well I snapped and I crash tackled him wiping that smile straight off his face (and mine as it turned out) oh and the legs off his body, funnily enough his feet didn't move so there he was laying on the deck with his legs sitting on their own and his feet just where he'd left em. The boys asked me what happened and simply said "That Pr!ck deserved it" I had a couple more beers whilst Dingo opened the surgery and lovingly restored that tin monstrosity to its previous sneering, self-serving parody of human form, I actually thought he looked better and the episode had certainly improved his attitude toward me. The next morning I found that there were some problems with my shoulder, apparently concrete is pretty hard and you should avoid driving your shoulder into at speed (damn that hunk of Scrap) just as well we only had a 500klm run that day as I couldn't lift my arm up very far and had to step over the bike grab the throttle then sit down thereby extending my arm enabling me to ride just as well I got apes and not clip-ons eh.
The ride was painful but over soon enough and when we got to the Post Office Hotel in Mullaley we were greeted by Crow from the Maaates social club, great to finally meet and I'm sure we'll see you again eh mate. Mullaley is a rather unusual pub as it is run by British (see English, Scottish & Irish) female backpackers for 3 months at a time, It may be the only pub of its kind in Aus it's certainly the only one I've ever been too and I've been to a lot of pubs. The boys were all on their best behaviour and the beer started flowing freely and about 20 minutes after we got in the Vagabonds MC from Brisbane arrived followed soon after by Scruff from the Warrumbungle Riders and the party really got moving. I need, at this time to offer my sincere thanks to the Volcano brothers (you know who you are) for the medicinal aid on Friday night. I woke on Saturday morning completely unable to lift my arm more than about 3 inches and after a quick discussion decided that it would be prudent to seek medical advice so I kitted up (it was pouring with rain wouldn't ya know) with the help of Scruff and Swoop and headed off to the Doctor accompanied by Billy (thanks mate) problem was of coarse was that the Doctors 750klms away and as I couldn't leave the bike behind and I bitch for no man I had to ride. On a serious note I think this was probably the stupidest thing I have ever done and yes even stupider than the Shaky Fakey episode (but that's another story) you see when in extreme pain one tends to alleviate the pain with pain killers BUT be warned pain killers + extreme pain leads to extreme stress which believe it or not can lead to extreme exhaustion and yes you fall asleep which I did on about 5 occasions I can only say someone was looking out for me that day as I made it home safe and the shoulder is now healing well.
I didn't get to go on the Poker Run so can't offer any stories, I can tell you BigW won and immediately put $200 on the bar thanks mate. The Sons of Aus would like to thank the Vagabonds MC, particularly Big Al for looking after Bender, the Warrumbungle Riders for putting on the Poker Run the Post Office Hotel for putting up with us on Friday night but really ladies midnight is way too early to shut and finally the Mendooran Hotel for their incredible hospitality on Saturday night.
Below are some photos for your entertainment and finally in closing I would like to say TIN MAN may you burn in Hell.
There is video coming of the run put together by Bender, as soon as the 'bugs' are ironed out it'll be here in all it's glory and it bloody good to. So patience my friends patience it seems that our Queensland brothers are getting it sorted.
Yep we will start planning Brass Balls 2015 soon so if you want any details or you want to contact us drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org
Sons of Aus