4th Annual Brass Balls Run 2016
Gymp? Little John? Crash? nah Gymp it is

Before I start I expect you're wondering what the hell the Gymp business is all about eh? well I am not saying yet so read on and you'll soon see.

Some time back discussions were had about running the 2016 Brass balls run to Qld, thereby ensuring a bloody long ride for some, a shorter one for others and real damn short for one brother in particular. In the days leading up to the run I packed my gear and checked it once then checked it twice and checked it thrice just so I could be sure to leave shit at home and yep I did that alright. Nothin important mind you, only my sunnies and Mustards 5 Year patch (but I sorted that one out). With my alarm set for 3.40am I of course woke at 3:03am (and still forgot my shit arghhh) and thought I could hear something not altogether pleasant so stuck my head outside and noticed that it was of course 'pissin down' well as luck and prior planning would have it I had all my wets ready to go and put on my thermal long johns, jeans, leather jacket, oil skin pants and jacket, waterproof overboots, vest, gloves and helmet then realised I can't do up the helmet with gloves on so took em off, did up me helmet, put me gloves back on then finally my waterproof over-gloves only to see my wallet sitting on the seat of the bike so it's off with the over-gloves, gloves and helmet and you guessed it I had to undo all my gear to put my wallet in my jeans pocket and head off into the wet, foggy, cold and fairly miserable morning in Canberra but hey at least it's not minus 5 and I'm riding and partying with my mates for the next 5 days so it beats working lol. I got away at around 3:30 and realised straight away that my plan to put fuel in the bike "yesterday" kinda failed and when I got to the servo I knew I should have put my wallet somewhere closer to the outside of all my gear dammit.

For, I think the first time ever, I arrived at the meeting spot first and waited for Billy then we were off and picked up Dick and BSR just after the Sutton road onramp, now from here to Goulburn is a bit of a blur because, allegedly ludicrous speeds were reached (and surpassed) but I deny this categorically and say "where is the evidence of these acts?" ha as I thought there is no evidence and hearsay is not admisable in court your honour. Anyhow we stopped on the highway just before Goulburn to wait for Swoop who was nicely ensconced in a warm dry back up vehicle, after waiting for 10 minutes BSR informed us that he had lost his sleeping bag somewhere on the highway because he had to "break the sound barrier to keep up and ocky straps just don't cut it at terminal velocity" (please refer to previous comments concerning evidence occifer) anyhow we all said a quiet word for his sleeping bag then decided we should ring Swoop to find out where he was? well he was actually about 250mtrs up the road waiting for us hahahahahahahaha. The ride up to Sydney was uneventful if just a little wet, when we stopped at Pheasants Nest BSR found out that his new $250 gloves were not in any way shape or form waterproof whereas I found my $39 over-gloves were and my heated gloves did indeed keep my hands nice and toasty. We managed to get to Liverpool just in time to be caught in traffic, not heavy traffic just the usaul 10-15kph crawl associated with overburdend Sydney roads. This did not present too much of a problem for us on bikes and it was lane splitting at it's best for the next 30klms and all this was acheived with only minor 2 collisions with car 'bits' but no real damage done and a lot of laughs later. We arrived in Coolongolook around noon for lunch at the Salty Dog Cafe and happy days standing around the fire to dry out a bit although why Dick thought he should get almost naked is beyond me and from there it was onto the Town lodge at Coffs Harbour for the night. Everything was wet and when I took off my oil skins pants I found they were not quite waterproof anymore in fact they appear to be now only shower proof and by that imean if you wear them as you walk past the shower you are likely to remain dry anymore water than that and you may as well be wearing yer boardies. After setting up our room to resemble a chinese laundry we sorted out all the important stuff and headed off to the Plantation for dinner and as luck would have it they had 2 for 1 meals on so Dick and I had Steak and Wings dinner for only $15 so bargain there. Then it was back to the room for lotsa laughs and as opposed to the last time we stopped at a pub we were not "told" you leave due to one of our crew getting smashed and well being too quiet...so it was grog, after dinner mints and other stuff that I cannot mention here just in case any vegans are reading. As we had hooked our main clothes line from the television wall bracket to the door onto the back verandah, yes trandsetters this room had two verandahs so how flash is that, we had to have the door open and at about 2am I awoke to BSR's dulset tones engaging some local youth out well past their bedtime although to be fair these 2 particular young bucks were hellbent on displaying their undieing love for the ample young woman with them and thereby resolving the bedtime issue and in Coffs love can be displayed using lots of yelling, crying and novel ways to use the word "fuck".
I will never forget some of the things said that night such as: