Before I start I expect you're wondering what the hell the Gymp business is all about eh? well I am not saying yet so read on and you'll soon see.
Some time back discussions were had about running the 2016 Brass balls run to Qld, thereby ensuring a bloody long ride for some, a shorter one for others and real damn short for one brother in particular. In the days leading up to the run I packed my gear and checked it once then checked it twice and checked it thrice just so I could be sure to leave shit at home and yep I did that alright. Nothin important mind you, only my sunnies and Mustards 5 Year patch (but I sorted that one out). With my alarm set for 3.40am I of course woke at 3:03am (and still forgot my shit arghhh) and thought I could hear something not altogether pleasant so stuck my head outside and noticed that it was of course 'pissin down' well as luck and prior planning would have it I had all my wets ready to go and put on my thermal long johns, jeans, leather jacket, oil skin pants and jacket, waterproof overboots, vest, gloves and helmet then realised I can't do up the helmet with gloves on so took em off, did up me helmet, put me gloves back on then finally my waterproof over-gloves only to see my wallet sitting on the seat of the bike so it's off with the over-gloves, gloves and helmet and you guessed it I had to undo all my gear to put my wallet in my jeans pocket and head off into the wet, foggy, cold and fairly miserable morning in Canberra but hey at least it's not minus 5 and I'm riding and partying with my mates for the next 5 days so it beats working lol. I got away at around 3:30 and realised straight away that my plan to put fuel in the bike "yesterday" kinda failed and when I got to the servo I knew I should have put my wallet somewhere closer to the outside of all my gear dammit.
For, I think the first time ever, I arrived at the meeting spot first and waited for Billy then we were off and picked up Dick and BSR just after the Sutton road onramp, now from here to Goulburn is a bit of a blur because, allegedly ludicrous speeds were reached (and surpassed) but I deny this categorically and say "where is the evidence of these acts?" ha as I thought there is no evidence and hearsay is not admisable in court your honour. Anyhow we stopped on the highway just before Goulburn to wait for Swoop who was nicely ensconced in a warm dry back up vehicle, after waiting for 10 minutes BSR informed us that he had lost his sleeping bag somewhere on the highway because he had to "break the sound barrier to keep up and ocky straps just don't cut it at terminal velocity" (please refer to previous comments concerning evidence occifer) anyhow we all said a quiet word for his sleeping bag then decided we should ring Swoop to find out where he was? well he was actually about 250mtrs up the road waiting for us hahahahahahahaha. The ride up to Sydney was uneventful if just a little wet, when we stopped at Pheasants Nest BSR found out that his new $250 gloves were not in any way shape or form waterproof whereas I found my $39 over-gloves were and my heated gloves did indeed keep my hands nice and toasty. We managed to get to Liverpool just in time to be caught in traffic, not heavy traffic just the usaul 10-15kph crawl associated with overburdend Sydney roads. This did not present too much of a problem for us on bikes and it was lane splitting at it's best for the next 30klms and all this was acheived with only minor 2 collisions with car 'bits' but no real damage done and a lot of laughs later. We arrived in Coolongolook around noon for lunch at the Salty Dog Cafe and happy days standing around the fire to dry out a bit although why Dick thought he should get almost naked is beyond me and from there it was onto the Town lodge at Coffs Harbour for the night. Everything was wet and when I took off my oil skins pants I found they were not quite waterproof anymore in fact they appear to be now only shower proof and by that imean if you wear them as you walk past the shower you are likely to remain dry anymore water than that and you may as well be wearing yer boardies. After setting up our room to resemble a chinese laundry we sorted out all the important stuff and headed off to the Plantation for dinner and as luck would have it they had 2 for 1 meals on so Dick and I had Steak and Wings dinner for only $15 so bargain there. Then it was back to the room for lotsa laughs and as opposed to the last time we stopped at a pub we were not "told" you leave due to one of our crew getting smashed and well being too quiet...so it was grog, after dinner mints and other stuff that I cannot mention here just in case any vegans are reading. As we had hooked our main clothes line from the television wall bracket to the door onto the back verandah, yes trandsetters this room had two verandahs so how flash is that, we had to have the door open and at about 2am I awoke to BSR's dulset tones engaging some local youth out well past their bedtime although to be fair these 2 particular young bucks were hellbent on displaying their undieing love for the ample young woman with them and thereby resolving the bedtime issue and in Coffs love can be displayed using lots of yelling, crying and novel ways to use the word "fuck".
I will never forget some of the things said that night such as:
Oh and they believed that BSR was a skinhead, now here's the thing, if indeed he was a skinhead their taunting him was probably seriously stupid especially when the room contained 3 other skinheads or at least guys with little or no hair and 1 with a hairstyle that would have made Adolf happy hahahahaha
We were up at around 7am to see that, yep it's raining still but hey at least we were nearly dry and most our stuff was likewise dry-ish. We wondered down the road looking for breakfast when we saw a "Butter Chicken" tent at the local morning market being run by the poster child for Sieks everywhere, Mr John Arkan with his huge beard, big turban and THE most Aussie accent I have ever heard, turns out he is a Coffs harbour Councilor and 'would be' Mayor and one day Prime Minister if he gets his way and a very very funny guy. He stirred up people walking past bunging on the best indian accent he could manage whilst regaling us of his exploits over the last few years (his family emigrated to Australia in 1890) damn funny guy with lots of worthwhile things to say who actually said "Pauline Hansons not one of my favourite people but she has some good ideas" and he makes a nice samosa as well. We headed out of Coffs at 10am and I text Doc to let him know just before we did so, he came back very quickly saying "we were leaving Coffs at 8" yeah nah sorry we'll put that one down to miscommunication I think. So anyhow the boys decided they would ride down to Ballina and meet us there instead, onya lads cheers. Segway here I remember when I started riding seriously and if someone said they were going to be late to the agreed spot then I would have waited for them to get there and I would have been legless and we would have ridden on. Ok sorry about that, we dropped into Pottsville for a quick beer and I have to say it's a nice town with a nice pub complete with 2 genuine rude bitch barmaids so we scoffed the beer and got the fuck outa Dodge and headed to Docs place (psst did ya see the cowboy reference get it huh huh never mind). We got into Eudlo 'City' just after dark and quickly got split into 3 groups Doc, Dick and me followed by John, Billy and BSR then Swoop in the ute. As we arrived at Doc's he said "you reckon we shoulda waited for the rest in town, maybe?" but no drama, I said "John knows his way" then Doc's phone rang, he answered and his face went white (which is handy cos he is) "Johns come off" was all he said, I cannot write here exactly what I said but it revolved around "I hope he's ok" but with expletives thrown in everywhere. The ambo's came and John was taken off to the Hospital and we got his bike back to Docs, we said a few words for John and then promptly got seriously fucked up. John was back later that night with a minor fracture of his hip and leg but apart from that he was good, if having broken bits can ever be good that is, he's a tough little prick. Now I need to explain the "Gymp" business I mentioned at the start of this tome, you see those that read Uralla 2015 will know that John had a little issue and crashed 1klm before his destination in Kempsey causing himself some degree of broken bits and people referring to him as Crash or the more preferred name of Gymp, John was violently opposed to the Gymp reference so I went into bat for him and had the boys almost convinced that Gymp was too harsh well now after failing to make 2 runs in a row (on a bike that is) he was convinced that from now on he will always be known as Gymp (we love ya mate)
Friday dawned bright, clear and warm so after a bit of organising we headed on over to the Vagabonds MC Clubhouse for a night of laughs, more grog and no possums (you'll need to go to the Clubhouse yerself to find out about that one) so as always a huge thanks to all lads for the hospitality. Saturday was again warm, in fact so warm I did the Poker Run wearing a tshirt and vest only god I love qld Weather even in winter it's like spring. We had 30 starters for the run and a great day was had by all with Rocket picking up the $600 pot and immediately buying a round for everyone onya Rocket.
Saturday night had Mustard heading off 15-20 minutes down the road to BigAls to pick up some supplies (sorry Mustard I didn't know that should have been 45-60 minutes honest) while the rest of us ate, drank and wondered how long Mustard would be. Once he got back I had the honour of awarding Mustard his 5 yr patch, well deserved and as I said on the night our Mustard is one of a kind is and his blood is definately worth bottling, here's to another 20yrs mate. It was also Dingos duty to welcome Two new Kandidats to the Sons, BSR and Shaun. I'll see you gents at the "ssshhhh I can't say it's a secret" in November whilst others will see you in October at the Bail Up Poker Run and party Uralla.
Sunday had us leaving Docs around 8:30 and back on the road home, the trip was uneventful and we parted with the Kempsey lads somewhere before Kemspey LOL. We southerners carried on till it got dark, cold and scary so we pulled into a Motel, which one? who knows but it was clean and warm and thats all that counts. It started raining again about 20klms out of Canberra, bloody typical just in time to get wet and cold before getting home. I pulled into my garage, noted I has travelled 2937klms on this trip and thought to myself could it get any better?
Thanks again for reading along, hope you enjoyed it and if you want to know more or if the Sons sound like your kind of place drop us a line a email@example.com.
In closing I would like to remind you all that on Saturday 18th February 2017 the Sons of Aus are proudly holding their 10th Anniversary Run to Binnaway, there will be of course our WINNER TAKES ALL Poker run (last years pot was $1000) a party on Saturday night with entertainment a plenty. Come along, say g'day and stay for a while BUT if you intend on staying the night then book now or bring a swag.
Till next time Copulater
Sons of Aus