ARE WE THERE YET

Little John aka Crash having a bit of a lie down and scoffing up the drugs 1klm before getting to Casa Del Kempsey.
Damn he was close but no cigar (he's doing ok just busted up a bit but he'll be back!) Thanks Crash for giving me the name for this story eh but next time nothing so dramatic please.


As with all good yarns the plot needs to have a twist and this story is no different. Before I start I must say that all the events depicted in this tale are true and only the names have been changed to protect to guilty! Or maybe it's all crap, you decide hahahahahaha

This story was originally to be called "The worlds slowest Kawasaki" which was a nod to Swoop and his somewhat less than trusty (for now) 70's model 750 twin, now that I have started on that tack I best explain.
Swoop has been working on his old beast for a while now and has had quite a few short shakedown runs and felt that it was time to test it for real and set off from Yass to meet the Canberra crew at the Servo just off the highway in Goulburn at 9:45 and then on for another 1800+klms. I can hear some of you nay-sayers now tutting and shaking your heads and I was one of them trust me but as it turned out Swoop arrived on time, in good spirits and with the bike running soooooooo sweet sadly then I woke up. Billy, Dick and I (not their real names) waited patiently at the servo and then we waited some more then we got "the call" Swoop was making some quick adjustments to his bike and would be there soon, so we waited some more and then another call "the bike is dead but the fix is easy" "I'll get the part, don't wait, I'll catch you up the road" we said no he insisted and we finally hit the road to Kempsey. We picked up Scruff near Picton and as we approached here he was languishing on his Rocket with feet up and watching the world go by, bearing a striking resemblance to Johnny from The Wild One, well not really I mean he was languishing and all but the reference to Johnny may be a stretch. Our trip was interspersed with several brushes with the law, the first just after the Mooney Mooney bridge when I apparently got a little close to a Highway Patrol car which was occupied by a serious donut eater that was sitting in right my blind spot. I pulled in front of him "allegedly" as I sped up a little to overtake a pensioner in my lane and then quickly pulled back in, Mr Plod had a bit of a hard on for me as he spent the next 10klms sitting right beside me whilst I spent the same amount of time intentionally pretending I didn't see him, he grew bored eventually with my incredible skill and shot off after Billy and did the same thing to him with the same result. Neither of us got pulled up and the copper, in disgust finally took off after real nare-do-wells up to much more serious crimes like illegal downloading and such like. We were supposed to pick up Denise and her Pink Bits, it’s the name of her bike ya dirty sods, in Hexham or Raymond Terrace or somewhere but..... we couldn't find her nor her us, which is no mean feat I'll tell ya so I sent her a message saying we'd meet her up the road. We pulled into a servo and who turns up right behind us but Denise (just like I planned LOL) we then received a call from Swoop saying "glad you didn't wait as the bikes dead and I can't make it". Damn I thought that's not on and as I have a rather beautiful Triumph Thruxton (my wife’s) at home I thought what better way for a guy who stands around 187cm (6ft 4 for you oldies or Imperial types) to go on a 1800klm trip than on a Thruxton with clip-ons and rear sets. My wife agreed (what a woman) and Swoop headed off into the night to Dings place in Sydney with the intention of riding with him the next day he finally arrived at Dings at 1:39am now that's commitment or maybe he should be committed. Our next brush with the law came just before Nabiac, there's a spot on the centre island where the local copper sits regularly with his radar gun! now this copper is always there and we know it but..well you know how it goes we all kinda forgot which caused much hilarity, swearing and gnashing of teeth. Luckily as we pulled over the hill we noticed him and slowed a little and quite rapidly, in fact rapidly enough that I actually saw Scruffs front wheel go past me and nose dive neatly. I reckon the copper had a good laugh at us all trying to pull up quick enough to avoid a ticket (if indeed we were speeding which of course we were not!). Now for our last and certainly our luckiest escape, any of you that have had the displeasure of riding up North from Newcastle to Brissy will know all too well the seemingly endless roadworks and 40-60klms zones. After being stuck in the road work traffic for about 30klms the limit went up to 100 with an overtaking lane for about 400mtrs well we were off and well suffice to say when I saw the Highway Patrol going the other way it was too late to worry about anything other than "how much" but that day was our lucky day and we were saved by a neat Semi that may have interfered with said Occifers equipment so thankyou anonymous truck driver we all owe you BIG TIME.

We got to Dingo's in Kempsey just before 6 and immediately had a little drink or twenty, headed into town for supplies and then back to Dingos to put the feet up, discuss the odd international financial crisis, count our coins and wait for Ding & Swoop from get there from Sydney. Sadly Ding was not so lucky with said coppers and apparently his number plate was not issued by the gumbyment and therefore even though the numbers were right and the bike is registered the sheer evilness of having not payed said relevant authorities for it cost him $425, I would like to point out here the sheer stupidity of this fine as the cost of not having a plate at all is only $125. Later in the day Bender, Chuck, Dwayne, BigW and Blink arrived from Qld but I noticed they were 2 riders short and asked where John and Low were? "John was right behind me when we got to the dirt road" said Blink. Now using the term "dirt" may have been kind as it had been raining and any dirt that existed had long since turned into slimy porridge and a few minutes later we got that call that no biker wants, "John was down and the ambulance is with him" (thanks to them as they were great people and very quick on the scene) we headed out and we found John trying to have a snooze on the side of the road with people saying "hey have another drag on that pipe" I thought me next :) but not to be. John made it to within 1 klm of Dingos and not only staunchly refused to have his vest and jacket cut off but gave me the name for this story, thanks John. BTW I suggested that maybe he let the ambos cut his shit off cos his shoulder was broken and trying to pass his arm through the sleeve would have proved somewhat problematic and extremely painful for him. John was bundled off to Port Macquarie hospital and we headed back to the shed and bravely drank too much out of respect for John, hey it's what we do. There were some very interesting discussions had regarding the state of the Universe that night but everyone made it out alive.

We hit the thankfully dry road for Uralla on Friday morning and headed up my least favourite road in Australia, the Oxley Hellway which goes through Long Flat, Ellenburough and then Walcha which holds the dubious honour of having the unfriendliest barman in Australia. Anyhow we made it into Uralla and set up camp in the Thunderbolt Hotel right in the centre of the action, what a spot well done to our accommodation man Noddy for this gem is was a bloody beauty and we had the whole pub so no nosey neighbours hahahahahaha. While I'm on the topic of Noddy we thought he wouldn't make it on this run due to a family issue that kept him in Brisbane and caused him to miss the party at Kempsey.  He kept saying he'd be there but by Saturday morning the odds were firmly stacked against his appearance but while we were sitting on the Verandah of the pub who should turn up around 2pm but Ol'Nod so true to his word he travelled the 600+k's on his own to party with his brothers for one night only to return to Brissy the next morning departing at 7am now that's ol'school right there, so onya Noddy and cya in February but this time best to come down just a wee bit earlier.

I reckon it's time for some photos eh


I thought I'd chuck in some words of wisdom here but I haven't got any so here's some more photos instead

What do you call a kiwi with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other? Bi-sexual.
Hehehehehe teach you to beat us in the world Cup ya sheep-shaggers
Oh now yet more photos

Uralla was an absolute blast with a 300klm Poker Run organised by the Oxley Riders for those who hadn't ridden enough and activities going on all day in town for those that just wanted to kick back and enjoy the town. Uralla is without doubt the most biker friendly town I have ever been to and they run a great weekend. We enjoyed it so much we are already booking out the pub for 2016, true it IS that good. Hell we even sat on the verandah of the pub talking to the Mayor, what a nice lady and I do mean a real dyed in the wool country lady.

Thanks to our Vagabond MC brothers for once again coming to party with us and we'll see you again soon.

Finally I would like to congratulate:
Chuck from moving up from Kandidat
Swoop for being awarded his 5Yr patch
He who was previously known as John earning his new moniker "Crash" and maybe a bit more and;.
A big g'day to our little brother BEEF in Romeoville (named after you was it B LOL) Illinois - USA who couldn't make it in person but was there in spirit.

cya all in Binnaway February 2016 for our 9th Annual WINNER TAKES ALL Poker Run

Details on all our upcoming runs or general questions can be addressed to admin@sons-of-aus.com


Sons of Aus

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